I was reading again one of the many articles I have collected concerning marriage. It is an article called “Your Mate’s Top 10 Needs,” by Ferguson and McMinn. It reminded me that God desires to provide for our needs far more than we can ask for and certainly deserve. Out of our abundance we are then able to give to someone we love. The Gospel of Luke (6:38) even says, “Give and it will be given to you.” At least that is how it is created to work.
What I have seen in couples is a habit of keeping score. When I give to you I can expect something in return. It’s as if there is a big score board with the count. The giving out of God’s giving is lost because it is all about me. I deserve and therefore I shall receive. The concept of team is forgotten and no one gets their needs met. The desire to love and receive love gets pushed aside. The “leave and cleave” of Genesis calling us to teamwork goes out the window. Negative thoughts towards each other take the place of positive words to be placed in the love bank.
God gives us marriage because we need someone in person to help meet our needs. Looking to God to provide gives us a relationship with God. Looking to our spouse where we can give and receive gives us an intimate relationship, which shows us the nature of love.
So how can you begin a giving relationship? Start by asking your spouse to list their greatest needs. I bet most of us can’t list the top needs of our spouse. Then find out how to meet the needs given. Then start giving. But do so without a scorecard. As Luke says, as you give you will receive. And you will receive more than you thought.
The article I read gives 10 needs your spouse may list. Here are the 10 listed:
Begin your giving and see the difference!